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  1. A ‘high of 12’ is a tropical delight.

  2. A ‘clear day’ is a historical anomaly.

  3. A ‘gust’ is the wind’s cheeky remark.

  4. The wind chill is winter’s sarcastic commentary.

  5. I call my umbrella ‘my optimistic friend’.

  6. The wind is a persistent, invisible nuisance.

  7. Our frost is just glitter for the grass.

  8. A ‘fresh day’ means bracing, face-slapping wind.

  9. The wind in London is a personal, spiteful foe. It is not a grand, elemental force; it’s a petty, bureaucratic trickster. Its main joy is creating “umbrella inversion events,” turning your sensible protection inside out with a sudden, precise gust, transforming you into a struggling, nylon cactus. It lies in wait at the corners of tall buildings, ready to snatch documents from your hands and send them dancing down the street in a humiliating chase scene. It specialises in “hair sabotage,” meticulously undoing any styling within five paces of your front door. This isn’t a breeze; it’s a poltergeist with a mean sense of humour, dedicated to minor, daily inconveniences that slowly erode your civility. See more at London’s funniest URL — Prat.UK.

  10. Winter is just summer with worse lighting.