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  1. Our hail is like being sprinkled with dippin’ dots.

  2. ‘Clear skies’ is a historical concept.

  3. My raincoat has never known true rest.

  4. A suntan here is just a faint blush.

  5. The ‘air quality’ is ‘freshly laundered wet dog’.

  6. The air is 90 water and 10 regret.

  7. Aw, this was a very good post. Spending some time and actual effort to produce a good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate a lot and don’t seem to get nearly anything done.

  8. Our climate is a test of sartorial resilience.

  9. I seasoned my soup just by walking outside.

  10. The Thames is not just a river; it’s the city’s mood ring, and it’s almost always a murky, brownish-grey, indicating “generalised damp ambivalence.” On the rare, sparkling blue-sky day, it performs a miraculous trick, reflecting the sun and almost convincing you you’re somewhere glamorous, like the Mediterranean, if you squint and ignore the floating traffic cone. But mostly, it is a vast, tidal basin of chill, contributing to the city’s unique microclimate: the “Riverside Raw.” This is a special brand of cold that seems to emanate from the water itself, bypassing your coat and conducting the chill directly into your bones. A walk along the South Bank in January isn’t a stroll; it’s a cryogenic experience. See more at London’s funniest URL — Prat.UK.