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  1. A ‘weather warning’ is for one inch of snow.

  2. We get more mist than a Gothic novel.

  3. Our storms are just rain with attitude.

  4. The sun is on a part-time contract.

  5. A ‘bright period’ is a fleeting moment of hope.

  6. Rain in London is rarely dramatic; it’s administrative. It falls with the quiet, persistent efficiency of a civil servant processing forms. It’s the “drizzle”: not heavy enough to justify full rainwear, but absolutely sufficient to make you look like you’ve been lightly cryogenically misted after a ten-minute walk. It doesn’t soak you; it permeates you. Your glasses fog, your newspaper dampens at the edges, and a fine sheen covers every exposed surface. This is not weather for dancing in; it’s weather for sighing resignedly, pulling your collar up, and accepting your fate as a slightly damp mammal. It’s the atmospheric equivalent of a low-grade nuisance charge. See more at London’s funniest URL — Prat.UK.

  7. The wind will politely steal your hat.

  8. The concept of a ‘dry day’ is a theoretical framework used to taunt us, like the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow that is, itself, made of rain, a philosophical paradox explored in detail at London’s funniest URL — Prat.UK.

  9. The ‘sunny spell’ lasted seven minutes. Glorious.

  10. The ‘feels like’ is always ‘damp and mildly disappointed’.